Road Lingo Aug28


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Road Lingo

images-1Since driving is an activity we do so often this year, it’s understandable that we would have a lot of conversations about it and many experiences to remember. Knowing us, it shouldn’t be surprising that a special vocabulary has been developed to express ourselves regarding those experiences. Here below is a smattering of said lingo.

There are many, many types of roads and they all have official names such as highway, freeway, state route, county road, but we’ve found that these terms lack sufficient description or emotion to truly convey what the driver of a 29 foot, 14,000 pound RV needs to know. As a result, we’ve invented our own terms in an attempt to embody the roads’ deeper essence.

Jimmy Road

“If we don’t get off this Jimmy road soon my teeth are going to fall out of my head!”



Jimmy is a green monster creature that was gifted to us by our friend Tori for the trip. He is stuck to the center of the dash and loaded on a spring. His eye balls and arms bounce moderately any time the rig is moving, but when the road has especially sharp ruts or bumps that are very close together, all of Jimmy’s appendages clack into each other and into the windshield. A dirt road that has been graded with horizontal trenches to aid water run off, or pothole-filled road will send Jimmy into a clickity dance. That’s when we know it’s not just a bumpy road, we’re on a Jimmy Road.

Giddy-Up Freeway

“When is this giddy-up freeway going to end? I’m thirsty!”

We’ve only run into a few of these on our long journey, so I think they are unique to certain states. I don’t know all the details, I could probably Google this and find out more, but certain roads have seams. I think it’s a series of big concrete slabs laid out end to end, and they lack the smooth asphalt top. The result of driving at high speeds over the uniformly spaced seams is a soft, consistent bouncing up and down of the rig and you in the driver’s seat which feels a lot like riding a horse. We’ve learned NOT to try to sip a soda while on a Giddy-Up Freeway.

Shit Pants Onramp

“Watch your timing here, this looks like a shit pants ramp.”

I don’t think I need to go into great detail here, it’s probably pretty obvious. Every so often we’ve been subjected to a freeway onramp that is, shall we say, distance-challenged. I’m sure the ramp length is sufficient for a small-sized vehicle especially when there are no cars in the adjacent lane with which to merge. However, a handful of times, we’ve felt harshly discriminated against by these bitchy, brief ramps. We’re long! Longer still because we’re towing a car. So when the ramp ends before Lucy’s hind end has even made the turn and an 18-wheeler is snarfing up the lane next to you, it’s time to shit your pants.


Clooney Hill

“Put the pedal to the metal, we’re comin’ up on a Clooney!”

We’ve driven through many mountainous regions on our travels, some with incredibly steep roads that we’ve dubbed Clooney Hills. It’s because of The Perfect Storm.

images-2 In the movie, George is the captain of a swordfish boat and is trying to return to Gloucester from the Flemmish Cap through the worst hurricane in history. There’s a scene near the end of the movie where he and Markie Mark are gunning the engine of the boat trying to climb up a massive wave while they scream at it through their busted windshield. Sometimes our Lucy feels like the Andrea Gail, nearly vertical, gas pedal to the floor, as she strains to climb a 10% grade. Except George’s boat flips over backwards and sinks – so far Lucy has conquered all of her concrete waves. Thank God!


Porcupine Stretch

“Hold on, this looks like a porcupine stretch of road here”.

At times, many times in fact, we have had to drive on country roads that are well-forested and sparsely housed. We’ve passed by deer, bear, elk and moose warning signs throughout the year, but they don’t post signs for the smaller beasties that might have tried to cross the road unsuccessfully. We saw a squirrel get flattened by a truck once, but we’ve never killed anything with our rig that we know of – except for the 5,323 bugs that have met up with our windshield.

porcupine_668_600x450We always try to avoid running over the smooshed things we come upon, the skunks, dogs, and raccoons, but with proper care to not swerve or brake too severely, especially if the passenger is not seated. However, when you’re approaching a dead porcupine in your lane, and you’ve just spent over $1000 on new tires, it’s absolutely critical to avoid running over it. So critical that the urgency of the swerve could send your passenger flying off the shitter out into the hallway, if they happen to be back there at the time.

And that’s all I have to say about that.