Sea Turtle Hugs May16


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Sea Turtle Hugs

Quite often I wonder what my mom would have said now that our great adventure has begun. We had shared with her our intentions and objectives and even showed a PowerPoint presentation during a family gathering to convey that thoughtful consideration had been given to both the pros & cons. As best I could, I tried to understand her concerns and offer the appropriate assurance. Eventually she seemed supportive, but apprehensively so.

The time between her passing and our departure wasn’t long and conversely the list of to-do’s was extremely lengthy. Diligently we checked them off, yet one important question remained – what to do with my portion of her ashes. Serious consideration was given to creating a precious gem – oh how I think she would have loved to become a bobble that adorned me. We certainly shared a love of jewels. Maybe someday. But practicality got the best of me and spending several thousands of dollars on a piece of jewelry, just before becoming unemployed didn’t seem like the wisest decision. Instead I chose to bring her with us, to be our guardian angle of sorts. Given her keen jam making ability, it seems suiting that she now rests in a jelly jar on a very safe shelf with our stocking caps and the level. So every time we pull into a new spot and check to see whether the rig is level there she is waiting to greet us. Waiting to remind me of that balance between perfect and “it’ll do pig”.

Good times in Hawaii

Good times in Hawaii

Occasionally mom spoke of a desire to write her memoirs, a way to leave her legacy with my sister and I while using a creative outlet. I’d like to believe that she would have enjoyed reading the blog describing our adventures. But part of me thinks it would have caught her up in a tailspin of ‘shoulds’ about her own writing. If that were true, I’m relieved to not be contributing to that struggle. Mostly, I think the blog would have provided a deeper understanding of why we made the choice we did, an affirmation of sorts.

As an adult, dreaming has almost always been a place of respite. I’ll even go so far as to say that I believe dreams allow me to transcend time and place. Personally, I believe that déjà vu is the manifestation of an alternate reality, often via dreams. To me these are extremely comforting. Almost nightly I have dream encounters with mom. Sometimes she talks, sometimes she’s just watching and sometimes she’s not herself. Some are pretty abstract in that I can’t see her physical body while others are as normal as eating pizza and Girl Scout cookies together. Several nights ago while sleeping I was enjoying a swim, more like a float, in the ocean, when I felt something – something crawling up onto my tummy. What is this? Should I be afraid, is this thing dangerous? Turns out, it was a sea turtle, and I wasn’t afraid, not even in the slightest. But then it climbed up onto my chest and I realized it was mom and she was giving me a hug. Surreal and very real, so comforting all at the same time.

Photo courtesy of Gulf of Mexico Foundation

Photo courtesy of Gulf of Mexico Foundation

I owe my love of the water to mama,

I owe my love of the water to mama

It’s hard not to be able to just call her up and share the stories, but I know she’s watching from heaven and I’m pretty sure she’s pleased with everything that’s going on – maybe except for some of my outfits and hair dos. 🙂